The Humours Of Whiskey

    A                       E
Let quacks and newspapers be cutting their capers
    D          A           E
Of curing the vapors the scratch and the gout
       A                     E
With medical potions, their serums and lotions
   D             A                E         A
Upholding their notions, they're mighty put out

         A                       E
Who can tell the true physic to all that's pathetic
     A                          E
And pitch to the divil, cramp, colic and spleen
        A                      D          E
You'll know it I think if you take a big drink
           A                       E       A
With your mouth to the brink of a jug of poteen

    A            E           A             E
So stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature
     D            A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
   E                     A           D
Oh what botheration, no dose in the nation
    D          A           E         A
Can give consolation like whiskey me boys

    A                  E
No liquid cosmetic to lovers athletic
    D         A         E
Or bodies pathetic can give such a bloom
     A                     E
As sweet by the powers in gardens of flowers
 D              A        E          A
Gave their own bowers a darling perfume

          A                     E
And this liquid so rare if you willingly share
       A                          E
To be taking your hair when it's frizzled and dead
        A                    D              E
Oh the sod has the merit to yield the true spirit
    A                            E               A
So strong it will shake all the hairs from your head

      A            E           A             E
Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature
     D            A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
    E                        A          D
Oh since its perfection, no doctor's direction
      D              A           E         A
Can cleanse the complexion like whiskey me boys

         A                      E
While a child in me cradle, me nurse with her ladle
     D          A            E
Was filling my mouth with a notion of pap
        A                         E
When a drop from her bottle fell into my throttle
   D            A            E           A
I stumbled and capered clean out of her lap

         A                        E
On the floor I lay crawlin' and screaming and bawling
         A                      E
'Til me mother and father were called to the fore
     A                        D            E
All sobbing and sighing they feared I was dying
     A                     E          A
But soon found I only was crying for more

    A            E           A             E
So stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature
     D            A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
    E                          A              D
Oh lord how they'd chuckle if babes in their truckle
      D          A          E         A
They only could suckle on whiskey me boys

            A                            E
Through my youthful aggression, through times of depression
    D              A              E
My childhood's impression still clung to my mind
        A                       E
And at school or at college the basis of knowledge
   D           A              E          A
I never could gulp 'til with whiskey combined

        A                       E
And as older I'm growin' times ever bestowin'
    A                  E
On Erin's potation, a flavor so fine
     A                        D            E
And how e'er they lecture on jove and his nectar
   A                     E         A
Itself is the only true liquid divine

    A            E           A             E
So stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature
     D            A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
    E                              A            D
Oh lord, 'tis the right thing for courting and fighting
        D          A         E          A
There's nowt so exciting as whiskey me boys

          A                          E
Come guess me this riddle: what beats pipes and fiddle
       D           A           E
What’s hotter than mustard, and milder than cream?
      A                              E
What best wets your whistle? What’s clearer than crystal
D             A         E             A
Sweeter than honey, and stronger than steam?

A                                E
What can make the dumb talk? What can make the lame walk?
A                                  E          A
What’s the elixir of life and philosopher’s stone?
    A                   D                  E
And what helped Mr. Brunel to dig the Thames tunnel?
      A                     E       A
Sure wasn’t it whiskey from old Innishowen?

     A           E           A           E
So stick to the cratur the best thing in nature
    D             A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
    E                           A           D
And boys, I'd half wonder if lightning and thunder
     D             A            E          A
Was made from the plunder of whiskey me boys

     A                     E
You maidens pathetic, with lovers athletic
     D         A          E
For liquid cosmetic, you can't beat the drop
        A                      E
With a glow to your cheek, it will make your heart leap
       D       A           E           A
It'll quiet a stallion or cure an old cob

        A                        E
At the mouth you would drool, be reduced to a fool
       A                           E
You'd kick up your heels and you'd peel to the buff
           A                      D          E
Then 'tis he'd be pathetic while you'd be athletic
    A                     E            A
If only you'd take a few drops of the stuff

    A            E           A             E
So stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature
     D            A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
             E                       A            D
For there's nothing like whiskey to make maidens frisky
    D         A            E            A
It soon separates all the men from the boys

       A                          E
Come guess me this riddle: what beats pipes and fiddle
       D           A           E
What’s hotter than mustard, and milder than cream?
      A                              E
What best wets your whistle? What’s clearer than crystal
D             A         E             A
Sweeter than honey, and stronger than steam?

A                                E
What can make the dumb talk? What can make the lame walk?
A                                  E          A
What’s the elixir of life and philosopher’s stone?
    A                   D                  E
And what helped Mr. Brunel to dig the Thames tunnel?
      A                     E       A
Sure wasn’t it whiskey from old Innishowen?

     A           E           A           E
So stick to the cratur the best thing in nature
    D             A           E            A
For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys
    E                           A           D
And boys, I'd half wonder if lightning and thunder
     D             A            E          A
Was made from the plunder of whiskey me boys