The Houseplant Song

E
Once I read a book
G
And this is what it said
A                    E
If your music has a beat
                             E
Then you're gonna wind up dead
     E                              G
It doesn't really matter if it's Christian or not
        A                                     E
If it's syncopated rhythm then your soul is gonna rot
                   E                    G
And this book was called      "Ha! Your Gonna Burn"
             A                          E
And in the second chapter      I went on to learn

E       G
Take two houseplants
    A              E
And put them to the test
         E                    G
Set them both in front of speakers
              A            E
And let the music do the rest
    E                  G
The first one you play Mozart
         A                E
Or something lovely like that
    E                          G                    A           E
The second one you play that Petra Or that MegaDeth.
                                                   E
Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.

      E                G
So I took my two houseplants
           A            E
And I put them to the test
           E                 G
Set them both in front of speakers
             A            E
To let the music do the rest
    E             G
I powered up my Pioneers
    A             E
To let the music roar
      E             G
But twenty minutes later
            A             E
Someone's knocking at my door

E
I opened up my door
G
And there my neighbor stood
    A
He said, "Man I'd like to get some sleep
E
If you think I could"

          E              G
I said, "Man, can't you see here
                A                   E
I've got this moral dilemma that I got to get clear."
            E
He said, "What kind of moral dilemma
            G
Could you have at this time of night
            A
That could make me so angry
                      E ------- 

That I just want to fight!?"


        E                              G
So I pointed to the page in that open book
             A
That had a picture of a potted plant
                        E
And I said, "Go have a look."

And he read

E       G
Take two houseplants
    A              E
And put them to the test
         E                    G
Set them both in front of speakers
              A            E
And let the music do the rest
    E                  G
The first one you play Mozart
         A                E
Or something lovely like that
    E                          G                    A           E
The second one you play that Petra Or that MegaDeth.

Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.

LONE RANGER

  E
First of all he said,
          G
"That's Vagner that you're playing
       A
I've never heard of Petra
             E
And isn't MegaDeth all dead."

        E          G              A
And secondly, emphatically, He asked me,
              E          E                G
"What's the sense of hanging out with houseplants when, hey,
         A                E
I live right across the fence."
(mute)
And I thought to myself
You know, that's a good point

      E              G
So I took my two houseplants, and
   A                    E
I put them both back outside
    E           G
And me and my neighbor
          A               E
Well, we went out for a drive

     E           G
We talked about all the things
        A            E
That really matter most
       E                G
Like life and love and happiness
     A              E
And then the Holy Ghost

E       G       A       E

     E           G
And now my two houseplants
      A              E
They sit out in the sun
    E           G
But as for my neighbor
           A              E
Well our friendship has become
    E             G
A meaningful relationship
         A                  E
That's headed straight to heaven
    E
But as for now
    G                                  A
We like to sit around and listen to Audio Adrenaline
             E
Cranked to eleven!