Whale Of A Tail

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[Verse 1]
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I used to drive a race car, but I won every single time
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I once met the great Elvis Presley way back in his prime
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And the pilot had a heart attack, yeah, so I had to land the plane
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And I once saved a little kid from drownin', and I invented cellophane

[Verse 2]
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I used to be a millionaire, I'd drop a thousand bucks a day
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That only made me all the more lonely so I threw it all away
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And I've lived almost everywhere, probably right in your own neighbourhood
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I once broke out of prison and I hid out in the woods

[Verse 3]
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It was there that I discovered a dinosaur, and I'd drive a blue Corvette
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I once swam clear across Lake Erie without even getting wet
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I'm the guy who saved the show 'cause I know how to fix a fuse
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Are these pretzels complimentary? Well, I don't mind if I do

[Verse 4]
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I used to play the guitar myself 'till a press crushed my hand
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Have you heard of the great Otis Redding? Well, I played in his band
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I once worked as a miner; I was an actor for a little while off in France
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And my uncle's cousin's brother taught Fred Astaire to dance

[Verse 5]
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So if you ask me how to tango I'll wear down any rug
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Cause if you've seen the way those kids all dance today I swear they're all on drugs
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I could drink me a million drinks if a million drinks did appear
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But I only got enough for one more little beer