Im Going To Hire A Wino

C
I came crawling home last night
F
like many nights before
C
I finally made it to my feet
          F                   C
as she opened up the door
                     C                       G            C
and she said You're not gonna do this anymore

                     C
She said I'm going to hire a wino
     F
to decorate our home
                                C
so you'll feel more at ease here
                                  G
and you won't need to roam
                C
We'll take out the dining room table
                F
we'll put a bar along that wall
                              C
and a neon sign will point the way
          G                            C
to our bathroom down the hall

                       C
She said Just bring those Friday paychecks
           F
and I'll cash them all right here
                                    C
And I'll keep on tab for all your friends
                               G
their favorite kind of beer
            C
And for you I'll always keep in stock
         F
those soft aluminum cans
                                    C
and when you're feeling macho
            G                      C
you can crush'em like a man

                        C
She said We'll rip out all the carpet
            F
and put sawdust on the floor
                                          C
Serve hard-boiled eggs and pretzels
                               G
and I won't cook no more
                 C
There'll be Monday night football
      F
on TV above the bar
                                  C
and a payphone in the hallway
                 G                              C
when your friends can't find their car

                     D
She said I'm gonna hire a wino
    G
to decorate our home
                                 D
So you'll feel more at ease here
                                  A
and you won't need to roam
                D
We'll take out the dining room table
               G
and put a bar along that wall
                              D
and a neon sign will point the way
          A                            D
to our bathroom down the hall

                D
She said You'll get friendly service
      G
and varieted atmosphere
                               D
I'll slip on something sexy
                               A
and I'll cut it clear to here
        D
Then you can slap my bottom
        G
everytime you tell a joke
                                     D
just as long as you keep tippin'
            A                       D
we'll I'll laugh until you're broke

                    D
She said Instead of a family quarrel
        G
we'll have a barroom brawl
                                            D
When the ham's bear says its closing time
                                 A
you won't have far to crawl
                 D
And when you run out of money
G
you'll have me to thank
                                           D
You can sleep it off the next morning
              A                    D
while I'm putting it in the bank

                      E
She said I'm gonna hire a wino
    A
to decorate our home
                                 E
So you'll feel more at ease here
                                  B
and you won't need to roam
                E
then when you and your friends get off of work
             A
and you have a powerful thirst
                                    E
well there won't be any reason why you
B                         E
can't stop off here first

                      F#
She said I'm gonna hire a wino
    B
to decorate our home
                                 F#
So you'll feel more at ease here
                                   C#
and you won't need to roam
                 F#
We'll take out the dining room table
               B
and put a bar along that wall
                              F#
and a neon sign will point the way
          C#                         F#
to our bathroom down the hall