A Statistically Significant Love Song

   A                     F#m
Today. I found my love today
D                    E
Everybody says they knew long ago
A                 F#m
But I am not that way
D                    E
I demand evidence before I say I know
A                          F#m
Finally it came to me: My theory’s confirmed
    D                 E
In all my experiments I have seen a trend
A                      F#m
The null hypothesis is not at all sustained
      D
It’s very likely
             E
That you are more than a friend

[Chorus 1]
        A E/G#            F#m   D
I love you more than the median
       A               E/G#      F#m D
I am certain cause the p-value is 0.01
              A   C#/G#  D     Bm7
Our love is blessed by a t-test
        D
I can prove to you
E       A  E/G#  F#m  D  A  E/G#  F#m  D
I love you

[Verse 2]
A                         F#m
Yes, I have evidence that you have got a crush
     D                      E
The autonomic nervous system doesn’t lie
      A                        F#m
Your dermal capillaries dilate and you start to blush
        D                      E
And our pupil size correlation is extremely high
      A                  F#m
Your curves don’t have a normal distribution
D                               E
And your eyes are in the top ten percentile rank
A                                F#m
Come with me and you will see my logical conclusion
   D                        E
A love that is statistically significant

[Chorus 2]
          A E/G#             F#m      D
You love me more than my control group
           A  E/G#               F#m                    D
Cause you see when we meet your heart goes boop, boop, boop
          A          C#/G#       D              Bm7
And your pulse rate accelerates when we’re on a date
     D       E           A
You must agree: You love me

[Bridge]
   D                               F#m
I look into your eyes and think of decimals of pi
    Bm/D                                A
And playing with your open spreadsheets makes me high
     D                  F#m
And now my hard y-axis grows and reaches up to ten
     Bm                 E
And touches my x-axis until we come to origin

[Final Chorus]
        A  E/G#            F#m     D
I love you and we have the evidence
       A       E/G#    F#m          D
Other people’s love can be a coincidence
            A        C#/G#
They want flowers but we want
D                 Bm7
Hard statistical power
          D
It’s the best breakthrough
E       A
I love you
E/G#            F#m    D
And no one can doubt it
         A   E/G#       F#m                D
We can shout loud that we’re in love and proud
          A        C#/G#
We have proofs in stacks
    D               Bm7
And no alternative facts
       D
I can prove to you
E            A  E/G#  F#m
That I love you
     D       A  E/G#  F#m
That I love you
     D       A  E/G#  F#m
That I love you
     D       A  E/G#  F#m  D  A
That I love you… (fade out)