Grandad

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If you come around to mourn for Grandad don't dress up in black‚ 'cos
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Although me Grandad's dead and buried, odds-on he'll be back, yes
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Although they stuffed him in a coffin and read out the will, and
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Although he's six foot deep in darkness he'll never lie still.
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He's made of sterner stuff,      he's not dead enough.
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Angels, saints and seraphim
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Please, please will you try
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to keep an eye
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On him.


[Verse 2]
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On his ninetieth birthday, Grandad went down for a drink.
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Now my Grandad is a rabid dypso with a throat like a sink. He
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Drank himself toward the skyline and his friends to the floor just
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To prove how fit he was for boozing for ninety years more.
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Your pearly gates he'll climb when it's opening time.

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Angels, saints and seraphim
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You'll, you'll find it hard to keep a guard
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On him.


[Verse 3]
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They brought him home upon a handcart with his legs in the air. He
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Was singing Rule Britannia backwards in his underwear. He
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Challenged all the county police force to a fight right away, then
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He offered to put the Ladies' Union in the family way.
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Your crystal domes will shake when he makes his break
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Angels, saints and seraphim
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He'll give you the slip, so get a grip
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On him.

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The doctor lifted up an eyelid and pronounced him gone. But
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To judge from Grandad's finger signals the doctor was wrong. They
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Dressed him in his Sunday night-shirt, they combed out his hair, but
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They couldn't get my Grandad's boots off, he'd need them up there.
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Your silken wings he'll shed. He will paint Paradise red.
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Angels, saints and seraphim
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Please please  don't expect that much respect
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From him.


[Verse 4]
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Even at the solemn moment he wouldn't behave, for
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I  heard him whistling in his coffin on his way to the grave. He
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Took off toward the New Jerusalem with his pinch of salt. I
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Distinctly heard him flatulating in his marble vault.
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Your candles will be dimmed when he gets the wind.
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Angels, saints and seraphim
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Although he's old, although he's cold,
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Keep a tight hold
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On him.