On Again On Again

E A   E A

[Verse 1]
  E                                      A
I love a good bum on a woman it makes my day
            E                                 A
To me it is palpable proof of God’s existence a Posteriori
G           F#                   Bm
Also I love breasts and arms and ankles, elbows, knees
         E                                   E7         A
It’s the tongue, the tongue, the tongue on a woman that spoils the job for me.

[Verse 2]
             E                                     A
Please understand I respect and admire the frailer sex
      E                                    A
And I honour them every bit as much as the next misogynist
    G                   F#                   Bm
But give some women the ghost of a chance to talk and there upon
        E                             E7        A                      E A  E A
They go on again, on again, on again, on again, on again, on again on.

[Verse 3]
          E                                           A
I fell in love with a woman with wonderful thighs and hips
         E                                        A
And a sensational belly; I just never noticed her lips were always moving
G            F#                   Bm
Only when we got to the altar and she had to say “I do”
        E                               E7       A
And she folded her arms and gathered herself and took in a breath and I knew.

[Verse 4]
                    E                                       A          E
She could have gone on again, on again, on again till the entire congregation passed out
                                 A
And the vicar passed on, and the choir boys passed through puberty
G                  F#                 Bm
At the reception I gloomily noted her family’s jubilant mood
      E                 E7        A                  E A  E A
Their maniacal laughter and their ghastly gratitude.

[Verse 5]
             E                                        A
She talks to me when I go for a shave or a sleep or a swim
             E                                A
She talks to me on a Sunday when I go singing hymns, and drinking heavily
G                    F#                 Bm
When I go mending my chimney pots she’s down there in the street
       E                      E7         A
And at ninety-five on my motorbike she’s on the pillion seat

[Verse 6]
          E                                     A
Wittering on again, on again, on and again and again
         E                                            A
When I’m eating or drinking or reading or thinking or when I’m saying my rosary
G                   F#                   Bm
She will never stop talking to me she is one of those women who
     E                                    E7        A                        E A  E A
Will never use three or four words when a couple of thousand will easily do.

[Verse 7]
         E                                            A
She also talks without stopping to me in our bed of a night
               E                          A
Throughout the sweetest of our intimate delights she never gives over
G                       F#               Bm
Not even stopping while we go hammer and tongs towards the peak
  E                           E7         A
Except maybe for a sigh and a groan, and one perfunctory shriek

[Verse 8]
              E                                      A
Then she goes on again, on again, on again, on and I must
            E                                A
Assume that she has never noticed that she’s just been interrupted
G         F#                    Bm
Totally unruffled she is and as far as I can see
        E                                E7        A                    E A  E A
I might just as well have been posting a letter or stirring up the tea.

[Verse 9]
         E                                     A
She will not take a hint not once she’s made a start
      E                                  A
I can yawn or belch or bleed or faint or fart, she’ll not drop a syllable
G                F#                  Bm
I could stand in front of her grimly sharpening up an axe
        E                      E7      A
I could sprinkle her with paraffin and ask her for a match

[Verse 10]
              E                                 A
She’d just go on again, on again, on again even more
         E                                           A
The hind leg of a donkey is peanuts for her; she can bore the balls off a buffalo
G                 F#                Bm
“Mother of God” I cried one day “Oh let your kingdom come
    E                      E7        A                         E A  E A
And in the meantime Mother could you strike this bugger dumb?”

[Verse 11]
       E                                           A
Well believe it or not she appeared to me then and there
            E                              A
The blessed Virgin herself in answer to my prayer, despite the vulgarity
G                  F#                  Bm
Shimmering softly, dressed in blue and holding up a hand
  E                  E7     A
I cocked a pious ear as the Mother of God began

[Verse 12]
             E                                    A
But she went on again, on again, on again, on and I
             E                          A
Will have to state how very much I sympathise with the rest of the family
G                   F#                   Bm
Give some women the ghost of a chance to talk and thereupon
           E                             E7        E
They’ll go on again, on again, on again, on again,
E7   E                           E7   E    E7
And again, and again, and again, and again
E            A                   Am                  A                       A6
They will go on again, on again, on again, on again, on again, on again, on.