The Ballad Of Robert Moore And Betty Coltrane

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There was a thickset man with frog eyes who was standing at the door
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And a little bald man with wing nut ears was waiting in the car
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Well, Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man as he walked into the bar
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And Betty Coltrane, she jumped under her table


[Verse 2]

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"What's your pleasure?", asked the barman, he had a face like boiled meat
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"There's a girl called Betty Coltrane that I have come to see"
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"But I ain't seen that girl 'round here for more than a week"
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And Betty Coltrane, she had hid beneath the table


[Verse 3]

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Well, then in came a sailor with mermaids tattooed on his arms
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Followed by the man with the wing nut ears who was waitin' in the car
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Well, Robert Moore sensed trouble, he'd seen it comin' from afar
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And Betty Coltrane, she gasped beneath the table


[Verse 4]

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Ah well, the sailor said, "I'm looking for my wife, they call her Betty Coltrane"
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And the frog-eyed man said, "That can't be, that's my wife's maiden name"
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And the man with the wing nut ears said, "Hey, I married her back in Spain"
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And Betty Coltrane crossed herself beneath the table


[Verse 5]

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Well, Robert Moore stepped up and said, "That woman is my wife"
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And he drew a silver pistol and a wicked bowie knife
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And he shot the man with the wing nut ears straight between the eyes
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And Betty Coltrane, she moaned under the table


[Verse 6]

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Ah well, the frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore who stabbed him in the chest
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And as Mr. Frog-Eyes died he said, "Betty, you're the girl that I loved best"
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Then the sailor pulled a razor, Robert blasted it to bits
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"And Bettyyy, I know you're under the table"


[Verse 7]

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"Well, have no fear," said Robert Moore, "I do not wanna hurt you"
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"Never a woman did I love me half as much as you"
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"You're the blessed sun, the meek girl, and you are the sacred moon"
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And Betty    shot his legs out from under the table


[Verse 8]

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Well, Robert Moore went down heavy with a crash upon the floor
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And over to his thrashin' body, Betty Coltrane, she did crawl
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She put the gun to the back of his head and pulled the trigger once more
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And blew his brains out all over the table


[Verse 9]

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Well, Betty stood up and shook her head and waved the smoke away
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Said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Barman, to leave your place this way"
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As she emptied out their wallets she said, "I'll collect my severance pay"
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Then she winked and threw a dollar on the table