Everybody Shut Up I Have An Erection

G A Bm Bm
Em F#m Bm Bm

"Oh my god, Stacy! Did I tell you about my date with Steve last week?
You went out with Steve? He's so cute!
I know! He took me out to this little restaurant-"

[Chorus 1]

     G
Everybody shut up!
  A
I have an erection
   Bm
It only happens 87 times a day
     G
Just stop what you're doing
            A
And witness penis perfection
D
This is more important than what you have to say!
     G                           A
Your story can wait, 'cause I am very erect
          Bm                            Bm
Now let's all take a minute to watch my dick and reflect
     Em                            F#m
Your spirit's in peace, no need to call the police
Bm
Please hold your applause

[Spoken Pre-chorus 2]

G A Bm Bm
Em F#m Bm Bm

"In conclusion, your honor, in light of this new evidence,
I would propose that the murderer was not my client, but... Mrs. Donnovan!"

[Chorus 2]

     G
Everybody shut up!
  A
I have an erection
   Bm
If Justice is blind, she's gonna miss this display
     G                              A
It's hard as steel but still evaded metal detection
D
This is more important than what you have to say!
             G                                A
Judge, don't give me that robe, 'cause then nobody could see
     Bm
This pillar of awesome that's sticking straight out of me
          Em                        F#m
Who could argue a case with so much dick in your face?
Bm
Please hold your applause

[Bridge]

       Em
Do you ever take a moment
         F#m
And look up at the stars?
    G
And think about your life
             A
And just how stupid you are
      Em
If it makes you feel better
      F#m               C
I'm a fucking rock star

With an amazing penis
    Em
But enough about you
            F#m
Let's focus more on my crotch
        G
It's as tangy as whiskey
             A
And hits you harder than scotch
              Em
You might not get what I'm sayin'
        F#m
So just sit back and watch
D
Look, (gasp!) it's still my penis

[Spoken Pre-chorus 3]

G A Bm Bm
Em F#m Bm Bm

"Ladies and gentlemen, as president of the United States
I must sometimes make grave decisions.
I come to you today to tell you that the United States
has decided to declare war on-"

[Chorus 3]

     G
Shut up!
                 A
Mr. President, I have an erection!
Bm
Here's a tricky dick that cannot be impeached
G                              A
Check out my nutsack, it could swing an election
D
This is more important than your boring-ass speech!
G                       A
For one nation, indivisible under God
   Bm
We all stand together and peep my glorious rod
     Em                                F#m
Hey, those guys look fun, oh wait, are they holding guns?
Bm                D
Please hold your applause