Next To You

B        E      A          C#m   B

B        E      A

[Verse 1]
B         E                A
We'd been friends for many years
        C#m         B
Until I finally confessed
B         E                A
That I've always loved you dearly
     C#m          B
But you were unimpressed

B        E             A
If I can never be your lover
       C#m         B
I'll accept our destiny
B        E                 A
And I'll embrace your gift of friendship

As I jack off constantly

[Chorus]
E    B                F#
Oh, I'll be there to lift you when you fall
E                        B                F#
With one arm around your shoulder and the other on my balls
E    B              F#
Oh, if you need me you just have to call
G                     F#7
Cause I'll be next to you

Masturbating

B   E   A  C#m

B   E   A
       1, 2, 3, let's do it!

[Verse 2]
B           E                  A
Through the good times and the bad
          C#m         B
I will do everything I can
B            E              A
Like if you ever need help moving
      C#m            B
I can jerk off in the van
B           E              A
If your car breaks on the road
             C#m             B
I'll grab my crank and pick you up
B          E            A
And we can drive away together

As I lotion up my junk

[Chorus]
E      B              F#
Oh, it doesn't matter where our lives will lead us
E                     B                  F#
I will always stand beside you, both in spirit and in penis
E     B              F#
Oh, excuse me but I have to go dry clean this
G                       F#7
Cause I've been next to you
      G
Masturbating

[Bridge]
G                                F#
Look, I know this may seem weird, but it's not
F#
Every friendship I've ever had has been like this
G
You should know that I'm not doing this for myself
                     A              G      A        F#
It's partly for you, but most of all, I'm doing this

For America!

[Chorus]
E   B            F#
Oh, tell me everything that's in your heart
E                           B
This is Claire, we're gonna make out
         F#
You just go ahead and start
E                  B
If it escalates to boning
             F#
It means I'm listening super hard
G                     F#7
Cause I'll be next to you

E                B
Oh, wait, Claire brought a friend
      F#
We're gonna have a threesome
E                       B
And a crowd of people's gathered
             F#
To watch me bang both her and Lisa
E        B                    F#
Oh, when this is done you and I are getting pizza
G                     F#7
Cause I'll be next to you
      B
Masturbating
B   E   A                             C#m  B
        Slash having a threesome with Claire
B    E                       A
      But still masturbating