Theres a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey You Just Havent Though Of It Yet

{VERSE 1}

D                                     C
Please leave all overcoats, canes and tophats
                    F
with the doorman. From that moment
                  B
you'll be by yourself and underdressed.
     A
I'm wrecking this evening already and
 B
loving every minute of it.
C                            B                A
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end.

             D (hammer/palm mute)
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off white
C           C         B          A
pinstripes, whoa oh. Everything goes
      A     G    F    D
A   cord   ing   to   plan.
D                     C
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
F           B
you can't stand it.
         B                  B
And you say so under your breath
                 A                A
you're reading lips "when did he get all confident?"
*Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
*I've never looked better and you can't stand it.

Transition: B B B B A A {X}

{VERSE 2}

*Next is a trip to the  the ladies' room in vain and,
*I bet you just can't keep up with, with fashionistas and
*Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign
*I bet to them your name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shhh...

D                    C
Talk to the mirror. Oh, choke back tears!
           B
And keep tellin' yourself that:

*"I'm a diva."
D                         C
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box
         F                B
on the table they just so happened to be
  B     A   B    B     B    {X}   A
laced with ni   tro   gly   ce   rin


{Repeat: "I'm the new cancer"}


{BRIDGE} (slow strum)

D           C          F           B
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer
     B            A          D
I've never looked better and you can't stand it.

{OUTRO}
        D                          C
And i know, and i know, it just doesn't feel like
          F                         B
a night out with no one sizing you up.
            B             A
I've never been so surreptitious so of course
         D                            D
I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.