Joel The Lump Of Coal

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Some time ago, at Santa's place up in the old North Pole
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There lived a lump of anthracite whose parents called him Joel
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Joel, Joel, the lump of coal happy as a lump can be
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He just wants to keep Santa warm and make the elves cozy

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But Santa Claus had other plans for Joel one fateful day
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"Joel, you're just the lump I need come join me on my sleigh"
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Joel, Joel, the lump of coal heart leapt up with joy,
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I'll soon be Santa's present to a lucky girl or boy

Bridge
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 We'll laugh and play together and hold each other tight
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 Snuggle under clean white sheets when we go to sleep at night
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 Then Santa's elves all laughed at Joel, "you're in for a surprise
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 You're not a special Christmas gift you're just a booby prize
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 What kid would ever want you? You're filthy as can be
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 Now you have to go and live with one who's been naughty"

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 "But I make heat, poor Joel cried and electricity"
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 "You pollute the air with CO2 and mercury"


Verse 2
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 Joel, Joel, the lump of coal fell down upon his knees
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 "I don't wanna live with a naughty kid don't make me, Santa, please"
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 But Santa laughed his jolly laugh,  "Ho, Ho, you stupid lump
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 You're just the thing to teach this brat that Santa ain't no chump"


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 So off they flew and, before he knew Joel was in a sack
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 He cried and yelled to Santa Claus, "why don't we just go back?"

Bridge
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 And then came Christmas morning
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 And, much to Joel's surprise (Much to Joel's surprise)
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 He saw a boy with the saddest face
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 And tears were in his eyes (Tears were in his eyes)
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 He picked Joel up and held him
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 And said, "you can be my friend (Hey man, let's be friends)
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 I would've liked some presents but
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 You're what Santa chose to send (Santa chose to send)
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 It's true, I've been a naughty boy
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 And maybe that's a sin (Maybe that's a sin)
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 If this is how Santa treats the kids, I'm just glad that I'm not him"

Verse 3
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 Joel, Joel, the lump of coal knew what he must do
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 He said, "now I know the reason why I got sent to you
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 Cause when a person hurts inside it turns him hard and cruel
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 But I know how to make your pain into a precious jewel"

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 "So take me in your hand, young man and squeeze with all your might
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 Let's turn your pain and anger into something that shines bright"
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 Then Joel, Joel, the lump of coal he gave his life away
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 Oh, one good naughty little boy get a diamond on Christmas day