Constipated

F#m      E            F#m
Uh Huh, extra cheese,    uh huh, oh huh, save a piece for me.


[Verse 1]
A                           F#m
Pizza party at your house.  I went just to check it out.
D                      E
Nineteen extra larges, what a shame.  No one came!
A                          F#m
Just us eatin' all alone.  You said, "Take the pizza home."
D                         E
No sense lettin' all this go to waste, so then I faced!
D                            F#m
Pizza all day and every day, cheese round the clock, it's getting me blocked.
       D                            E
And I sure don't care for irregularity.  Tell me!


[Verse 2]
F#m                           D           E
Why'd ya have to go and make me so constipated.
                       F#m                      D           E
Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated in the bathroom.
F#m                      D            A                        E
I sit and I wait, and I strain, and I sweat, and I clench, and I feel the pain, oh
Bm                                             E
Should I take a laxative or have my colon irrigated?
        A
No, no, no.


[Verse 3]
A                           F#m
I was feeling pretty down, ‘til my girlfriend came around.
D                      E
We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say.
A                               F#m
In fact, I just thought I might pop the question there that night.
D                    E
I was kissin' her so tenderly, but woe is me!
D                      F#m
Who would have guessed her family crest
       D                            E
And suddenly spied tattooed on her thigh
    D                                      E
And son of a gun it’s just like the one on me, tell me!


[Verse 4]
F#m                              D               E
How was I supposed to know that we were both related, believe me.
     F#m                        D                       E
If I knew she was my cousin we never, never would have dated, What to do now?
F#m                          D             A                            E
Should I go ahead and propose and get hitched and have kids with eleven toes and
Bm                                              E               A
Move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?  No, no, no.


[Verse 5]
A                          F#m
I had so much on my mind.  I thought maybe I'd unwind
D                       E
Try out that new roller coaster ride, and the guide
F#m                    D                    A                   E
Said not to stand but that's a demand that I couldn't meet.  I got on my feet
    Bm                                         E
And stood up instead, knocked off my head, you see.  Tell me!


[Verse 6]
F#m                           D          E
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated.
                 F#m                      D             E
This really is a major inconvenience, Oh man, I really hate it.  Such a drag now!
F#m                    D                              A              E
I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore, I can't belch or yodel anymore
      Bm                                            E
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read sports illustrated.  Oh, NO!


[Verse 7]
F#m                         D              E
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated?
                F#m                        D            E
I gotta tell ya life without a head kinda makes me irritated.  What a bummer!
F#m                     D                             A                 E
I can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze, but my neck is enjoin' a pleasant breeze now
Bm                                                  E              F#m
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated.  No, no, no.