Theres a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey You Just Havent Though Of It Yet

Em
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
Em
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
    G
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
                             B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Em                                     D
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
              G                         C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
   Am                                  B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C                             D               Eb
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Em
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh
C          B     A   G      Em
Everything goes according to plan

Em                  D
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
G                C
And you can't stand it
                   C                  B
I know because you say so under your breath
                C                   B
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Em          D          G             C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
C            B
Never looked better
    Em                     B   C  B  C   B
And you can't stand it
(play along to the piano timing changes)

 Em
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
G
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas
B
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign
B
To them, your name is "Cheap", and you look like sh--
Em                  D
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears
       G                         C               C B Am
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

Am                         B                        C
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table
              D     Eb       C  B    C
    B
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

(Chorus)
Em          D           G               C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
  C                B              Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
      Em
And I know, and I know
         D                        G                         C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
           C              B
I've never been so surreptitious
                             Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch

(and repeat the chords)

And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch