G   Em    C       D
  Unfortunately I am
G     Em       C          D     D#m
  My own dog, my own fur companion
Em           A
  My own old lady on a forum
C              D
  Who types in glittery decorum

G   Em      C     D
  Unfortunately I take
G    Em      C             D    D#m
  Myself out walking every day
Em          A
  I hand my legs to the feet and
C           D
  I give my head to the leash

[Refrão]

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G                E7
  What’s a human being gotta be like
Am                D
  What’s a way to just be competent
G                       E7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G             E7
  Was it a mistake to try and define
Am                   D
  What I’m certain’s mad incompetence
G                         E7
  These sweet instincts        ruin my life

[Segunda Parte]

G   Em          C             D
 I can't smell well, or tell the time
G     Em        C          D
 Not K through 8, nor K - 9
Em           A
 (For human, grossly underqualified
C            D
 For canine, grossly overqualified)

G     Em        C         D
  I don’t blend in at Pet-Smart
G         Em    C            D
  That truth remains for the Walmart
Em                 A
  'Cause in either case they say to me
C                   D
  "What the fuck is lost in aisle 3?"

[Refrão]

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G                E7
  What’s a human being gotta be like
Am                D
  What’s a way to just be competent
G                       E7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G             E7
  Was it a mistake to try and define
Am                   D
  What I’m certain’s mad incompetence
G                         E7
  These sweet instincts        ruin my life